Going to the country, got to get away

Photo above: Bi-Coloured Roses in Sunlight (re posting awhile back; perhaps 2 nights ago)

Photo below on the left: Flowering Pine Tree (re last night's posting).

Gilly continues to make a slow climb towards recovery. He models undying patience, but it’s not rubbing off on me.

Last night it was hot and muggy. As soon as Gilly hit the sack I switched off the air conditioning. I slept fitfully, I firmly believe, as a direct result of my physical discomfort. Whenever this happens, I awaken in the middle of a vivid dream and suddenly snap into reality. I sit bolt upright and instantaneously become conscious of my deepest worries of the moment. Usually, when I have something to fret about, I make a list of things to do to pragmatically move ahead and solve the problem that is haunting me; not so simple in this case. I am a first class passenger on Gilly’s journey; I’m not the pilot.

This reminds me of a wonderful story I like to tell in closing my talks on Inclusion, introduced to me many years ago by Tina; many thanks, my special friend. It mirrors my life at this moment. Instead of planning to have a baby, in this case I’ve made plans for our golden years together:

Welcome to Holland

I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability - to try to help people who have not shared that unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel. It’s like this…

When you’re going to have a baby, it’s like planning a fabulous vacation trip - to Italy. You buy a bunch of guide books and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum, the Michelangelo David, the gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It’s all very exciting.

After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, “Welcome to Holland.”

“Holland?” you say. “What do you mean Holland? I signed up for Italy. All my life I’ve dreamed of going to Italy.”

But there’s been a change in the flight plan. They’ve landed in Holland and there you must stay. The important thing is that they haven’t taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It’s just a different place.

So you go out and buy new guidebooks. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met. It’s just a different place. It’s slower paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you’ve been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills, Holland has tulips, Holland even has Rembrandts.

But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy, and they’re bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life you will say, “Yes, that’s where I was supposed to go. That’s what I had planned.”

The pain of that will never go away, because the loss of that dream is a very significant loss. But if you spend your life mourning that you didn’t get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, very lovely things about Holland.

By Emily Pearl Kingsley, in VOICE, Ottawa Newsletter

While speaking with the social worker on Tuesday, Tamara shared her pleasure at the consistency of Gilly’s presence. She explained that her daddy has never been home for so long a period of time. We always know just where Gilly is, and he is forever within our reach. This is an example of my daughter teaching me to celebrate the beauty of Holland. Each moment is precious. Life is there for us to embrace in so many different forms; our eyes and hearts must be open in order for us to recognize the beauty.

We received a call from the social worker at the MAB today, so that wheel is now in motion. She will do a home visit on July 5th. The dietician from the CSSS also called this afternoon. Since the CNR program Gilly will enter into next Wednesday at the Jewish includes a nutrition program, I assume there will be a dietician involved, so no need for two. I’ll keep her on the hook by returning her call, but will not make an appointment until after this Wednesday, if I see we still need the support from the CSSS.

Yaron is packed and we’re good to go sometime around 2:00 tomorrow. We even have dinner plans, so there’s no turning back now (a slight exaggeration, but it does add incentive in Gilly’s eyes).