A brief hiatus

Necessity is the mother of invention, they say, and it is so true. I had to dash out to a funeral this morning well before Gilly was scheduled to awaken. I woke him at 9:00 and suggested he take two spoonfuls of apple sauce and then his pills. He complied and drifted back to sleep.

I arrived home at 11:30. He was making breakfast. I had cut him bread for toast, but other than that, he was working independently. He tends to make his own coffee, which is just about the only task he initiates on a regular basis.

The ‘inventive’ part is that there was less pressure to eat, and this seemed to result in more food consumption during the day. By 9:30 this evening he will be done with all medication. I will have a less stressful evening, because I needn’t remind him to take or do anything. Normally, I’m up until nearly midnight (or later sometimes) to get the 4th set of pills in with a 4 hour stretch between doses. By awakening him in the early morn to take his pills, the whole procedure will end much earlier. Hello!!! Why did I not think of this before? I will continue to do this every day from now on. Today, I did not tie ‘meals’ per se to taking medication. I simply insisted he had a little something each time he took his pills, hence the extra snacks. He had 3 relatively normal meals and three snacks. I think we’re onto something here.

I was disappointed to see the heavy rain this morning. I wanted to work on trimming the walkway down the side of the house towards the back, and planned to make some headway in the back as well before tomorrow’s tree cutting crew arrives. When I finished all necessary tasks for the day I put on Yaron's rain suit; used originally for fishing in the rain. With hands full of cool tools I was all set to move out the front door when I realized my hood was not on and the rain was teaming. I asked Yaron the help. “There is no hood, mom,” he informed me. “What good is a rain suit without a hood?” I asked incredulously. “Please bring me a plastic bag,” I requested. I must have been a sight for sore eyes, let me tell you. I managed to fill 2 ½ bags, then was called in for dinner.

Yaron wanted to eat at a reasonable hour so he could go out on what he calls his last night of the summer. I came in as soon as he beckoned me (he was in charge of the Bar-B-Q-ing) because I know how important it is to have a few of us for dinner. It’s more pleasant all around.

I arrived on our doorstep, drenched on the outside, but surprisingly dry on the inside. Some would say I’m a bit of a nut. When I’m on a roll, it’s hard to stop me. I had a mission, and wanted to complete it. I managed to accomplish a third of my goal; not bad for a cold and soggy day. Gilly did respond relatively well to dining as a threesome, so I’m glad we had that time together.

He’s taken to hanging about upstairs in the living room as of this morning. He will not say why, but I think he’s too tired to do the stairs. It’s easier for me to keep track of him this way, so I am pleased on that level, however, knowing he may feel too weak to venture down to his favourite place doesn’t sit all that well in my gut. He’s sleeping on the couch right now, listening to music; I check on him often.

My whirlwind first week of teaching begins tomorrow. I may not get to put any more postings on the blog this week until Thursday or Firday, so please excuse my lapse in communication. I can’t do it all, and get things right; I have to prioritize. This week, the priority is falling into a work pattern while maintaining Gilly's safety and well being; this is the phase I’ve been dreading, so I have to give it all my strength and attention.

See ya closer to week’s end. Have a good one, readers…

Night out

Today was spent almost normally, except the roles changed; I did the garden work. Now I know how much work it is to trim and clean the trimmings. I got a little carried away, I must say, because I got to use super fantastic hand tools. Luckily Randee dropped by to help me minimize and bag the branches. She too enjoyed the cool tool!!

Gilly sat outside and watched. He noticed that I was cutting off more than I could bag, and suggested I stop trimming and begin the pick up process. He was so right. He knows what the job entails. I think there are about 6 large yard bags out on the lawn filled with weeds and branches.

After working up a sweat, I went for a much needed, brisk (by my tired standards) walk with Marvin, Sharon and Rosanne. It was a glorious day, so we took advantage. Gilly did the first block, and then retired to his basement while we finished up. I was glad he agreed to go even that far. He is really very tired today.

We got word that Yaron does indeed have strep. This explains why he recovered so quickly. Antibiotics work wonders when they target the right bacteria. The good news is that he is no longer contagious. It's official! Now I have one more pair of hands to help around the house.

We have dinner plans tonight. Gilly has opted out (so far; he may change his mind), but I am accepting the offer to be picked up by the Zigman’s and chauffeured to the restaurant. We’ll bring Gilly a care package and the five of us will have dessert at our home so as to include Gilly. Perhaps by then he’ll feel more energetic. There’s always that hope. He claims he really doesn't mind if I go, so I'm taking his word for it. I need some semblance of normalcy now and again, especially when I'm not in the country where I can go for a swim and chill out (literally; August lake water can be downright frigid, but I love it anyway).

Gotta run and do last minute organizing for Gilly’s snacks and exercises…always something to coordinate…good thing I’m what my childhood friends used to call “bossy.”

Rolling right along

Every new day brings hope. Susie called and woke me this morning at 100:00. She was apologetic, but I was relieved, because it had been about 3 hours since I checked on either one of my men. I must have needed the sleep, and was glad I had slept as long as I did.

Yaron was ready to eat, and clearly on the mend. Gilly was well rested after a night on the sofa. We enjoyed a visit together in the dining room; Yaron wearing a mask as I did last week. The two fellows took Liylah for a walk while I tried to do a bit of work.

The day flew by, which happens when you sleep so late! I managed to get several messages done. The time passed in a more pleasant way than it has for the past few days. I accepted a Shabbat dinner invitation from the Melling Blauers even though no other Schwagers could join me. Yaron is contagious, and so out of the question, Tamara has a party tonight, and Gilly didn’t feel up to it.

I dusted off my roller blades and donned them. Off I went for an enjoyable dinner with others who actually ate; some even more than I did! I loved feeling the wind in my hair; blading gives me a sense of freedom. I used to do it a lot, but haven’t gone once this year. I need the exercise, so this worked out to be a win-win situation; no one to transport but myself. Yaron made dinner for himself and his dad; the break from routine did me a world of good. I enjoyed my 2 brothers, my sister-in-law and my 2 nephews, and relaxed over a delicious meal.

I rolled home a few moments ago. Everyone is safe and sound; in hindsight, the outing was a good idea. Gilly is snacking on some protein laced applesauce as I write this note, and Yaron is making preparations to watch a DVD with me. He poked his head in the room and told me he thinks it’s not appropriate for me. I find this an interesting twist of roles. Tamara has been screening my viewing for a few years now.

Life just keeps getting in the way

The blog is earlier than usual because I cannot stay up late again tonight. I’m spent, and so are the others I am living with. I know; this is a Gilly update, but I’ve seen so little of him today that I haven’t much to report on his progress. I left the house at 8:40; a smoothie was left on the table next to his pills and a wrapped piece of bread for toast. I woke him just before stepping out to provide last minute instructions; I asked him to please call me when he takes his medication so that I keep track of the time. I reminded him that Jerry would pick him up for physio around 1:00, and that his lunch is prepared for him in the fridge (two choices, in fact).

Yaron was asleep, but I stopped in to check on him because he went to sleep with a fever and was up a few times during the night. I told him to call me as soon as he awakens, so I could hear how he’s doing, and perhaps give him Dr. Amdursky’s number to call. He’s not one to read written notes (the apple doesn’t fall far, I suppose). He has not seen the family doctor, since he just turned 18 and loved going to the pediatrician until now.

Did either one of them call me? Nothing came forth from their end, so I had to keep switching gears and remembering to call them.

I encountered snag after snag at work; the information I input into the data base last night refused to print out the way it was supposed to. The technician spent about 4 hours trying to solve the problem; needless to say this seriously delayed my progress.

In the meantime I kept calling Yaron to provide comfort over the phone, but it was not good enough; he was good and sick. I appealed to him to call the doctor, but he said he couldn’t get there himself (close by). I suggested taking a taxi, but he insisted he could not. I was worried, but didn’t feel it was a life and death situation, so I chose to remain with the task that had to be done (my responsibility as fieldwork coordinator) and told him to try calling grandma. He called me back to say he had made an appointment, and that Grandma (to the rescue) would accompany him. He came home with an antibiotic, much like my scenario last week; maybe it’s strep, or perhaps it’s a case of mono.

I finally completed all I could and left work for the pharmacy to order Gilly’s new medication. I called Yaron and asked what I could bring for him, but he was on the floor unable to stand due to constant vomiting. I decided to just come home and care for my men, as I should have been doing all day. How do you prioritize when your job requires you to perform, yet your family needs you? Where does it end? My family is always top in my books, but someone has to earn a living, pay the bills and keep the health plan active, so I have to make uncomfortable choices.

I found Gilly sprawled out on the couch downstairs, oblivious to his son’s physical state on the upper story of the house. I asked if he ate lunch, and told me that he and Jerry had eaten out. “Good,” I thought, “supper will consist of the lunch already packaged and waiting in the fridge. Now I have time to attend to my son.” I was shocked that he had no knowledge of Yaron’s plight; I told him last night and this morning that Yaron wasn’t well. He certainly cares, but is not on top of things outside of his own immediate needs, it seems. I suppose his needs are so great that he just cannot open up any wider to what is going on around him.

I managed to settle Yaron into a semi comfortable state (he is still aching everywhere), and put the house in order. I told Gilly that since he loves the couch downstairs so much, he may want to remain there for the night. Yaron has infected our bed with germs of who knows what sort, so I have to start fumigating before he comes upstairs. Frankly, I just need to put my feet up for a spell, and take a deep breath.

The country is out of the question now, so our summer has officially drawn to a close. We’ll stay close to home and provide warmth and comfort to one another for the next three days before the roller coaster takes us on next week’s ride.

Making amends

We’ve had our ups and downs today; somehow we managed to overcome a few of the barriers. I had a successful morning at work in that I achieved what I set out to with very few snags. I arrived at the Jewish with few moments to spare, and met Gilly at the appointed location (Thanks mom). When we appeared at the reception desk the secretary was surprised to see us 2 hours early. There was an error made; the psychologist was under the impression we were scheduled for 2:00, but we had an appointment with the CNR team at that time. I made it 2 hours later so as to allow Gilly an hour with the psychologist and an hour to have some lunch downstairs.

I was rather furious, because I left piles of work that had to be done (I just finished what I needed to prepare for tomorrow morning, and started at 4:00 P.M.) and dashed over for noon only to find that there was a mistake. I noticed Nelda in the background and asked if we could be seen earlier. At first this didn’t seem viable, but we were soon whisked into the examining room and the appointment was miraculously pushed up 2 hours, even though they do not start until 1:00 normally. I openly expressed my gratitude for their flexibility and creative thinking. What an amazing team!

Gilly was weighed and we were all disturbed to discover that he had lost about 2 kilos. I was far from surprised. They took this problem very seriously, and prescribed more appetite enhancers. They will see us again in two week’s time, because he can’t afford to lose any more weight. We were handed nutrition bars, and more suggestions as we left. Gilly took one or two bites of the bar (it was not 1:30 and all he’d eaten was a piece of toast for breakfast) and said it’s too much. I looked at him, smiled and said, “It’s a good thing I love you.” Dr. MacDonald overheard and smiled as well. I still haven’t given up on the bar. It’s 10:42 P.M. and he only has a few more bites to go!

We moved on to Dr. Sylvain Nero, the psychologist. I told him I’d wait outside, but if he requires information, I’d be available. I could hear the word ‘oncologist’ through the door, and I knew then and there that I would be beckoned. Sure enough he opened the door and asked if I could enter and provide certain details. I was asked to remain in the room from then on, and I must say it was a painful experience. I had to hold back tears at the questions asked and what he tried to express in response. I asked if I should leave, but he requested that I stay. I was disappointed to discover that although he assumes there is possibly some underlying depression (who wouldn’t feel depressed in Gilly’s shoes?), he does not feel he can effectively do anything about it except perhaps suggest to Dr. MacDonald that anti-depression medication be prescribed. He opened up the possibility of having Gilly contact him when and if he would like to talk, but there is not much more he could do. I don’t know what I was expecting, but this does not seem to be enough. Do I pursue this further? Gilly has been seen by 2 medical health professionals at this point, and no one has much to offer. I will admit that this fellow seemed on the ball, and very qualified, in the way he handled the whole situation and how he treated Gilly; both of us in fact. I suppose we’ll have to see what Dr. MacDonald suggests we do next. He’s genuinely concerned, and not solely regarding appetite; he sees Gilly as a whole person and wants to improve his quality of life. The CNR program is based on this principle.

We left at 3:30. On the way down from the seventh floor I looked at Gilly’s leftover bar (he hadn’t yet made a dent, and still no lunch was eaten) and encouraged him to have a few more bites. He responded by saying, “You’re a pain in the butt.” Well, you can imagine how well that comment went over with me. I walked swiftly ahead of him as we left the elevator. He wanted to know what was wrong. I explained that I do not deserve that, especially after the sacrifices I made today to be with him for these appointments. I had missed lunch too not to mention hours of time I could have spent doing my work. He knew he had done me wrong, and quickly apologized. I know he perceives me as a pain the butt because I am forever trying to encourage him to eat, exercise…anything other than sitting and nodding off all day long. I guess I can’t afford to be oversensitive, and should just understand where he’s coming from, but it hurts to be called a pain when I am fighting for his life on a daily basis.

I allowed him to make it up to me in two ways; he made me a pot of coffee to help me plow through my work, and he went off with Yaron (who needs a liscenced driver) so I could stay home and work while Yaron helped transport Tamara’s remaining furniture from the old apartment to the new one.

Yaron is now running a fever of 101F and Gilly is passed out on the couch, smoothie next to him still untouched. I wonder if we should all have stayed in bed today. Speaking of bed…good night.

One more thing...the fence people will not install the chain link fence we ordered until we clear some foliage; even a few trees. I have been worrying about this all summer. I mentioned it to a few people, because September is around the corner, and was no closer to a solution. Gilly adamently refuses to allow me to entertain the notion of learning to use a chain saw or any of his high powered gardening tools. To make a long story short, I am so very fortunate that I have now had more offers than I know what to do with. Nitai and his crew will be over on Monday to make a lot of noise. Cathy's husband Guy stopped by today to offer to do the job as well. It seems that all I have to do is ask or make mention of something we need, and we receive a shower of support. I have never been very good at asking for favours, but I've had to swallow my pride and accept offers. I just want to say thank you to so many people these days. I don't know where to start. So here's to the ups before and after the downs!

Friends, family, countrymen, lend me your ear

Our trip to the low vision clinic at the MAB was bittersweet. The good news is that his vision isn’t low enough to be considered ‘low.’ The bad news is that this is simply a budgetary issue; Medicare won’t cover the cost of adaptive equipment because his acuity and peripheral vision are not ‘low’ enough to qualify.

The assessment took 3 hours. Gilly was handled with kid gloves, and the equipment and expertise was state of the art. We discovered that there is a certain range, peripherally, that is ‘blind’ to Gilly on his right side, which makes sense, because the tumor is on the left. I noticed recently that he does not notice when I enter the room unless I make a sound loud enough for him to hear and notice, so this finding did not surprise me. We were given tips as to where to sit when viewing something and how to hold things to improve visibility.

Gilly was given some text to read to test out how well he functions, but this placed tremendous pressure on him; he never enjoyed reading, let aloe doing it out loud in front of an audience. I suggested that perhaps having him read is not the best tactic, and mentioned his love for tools. She asked the OT (of sorts; not sure of the exact title) to look around for some tools, and lo and behold they drummed some up. Gilly looked at the screw driver and said, “It’s a Phillips. I knew then and there that they were now on the right track. He relaxed for the remainder of the examination.

Gilly vision fluctuated during the 3 hour visit. The optometrist demonstrated this by asking him to look at a dot and tell her how many spots he sees. He said, “One.” She proceeded to tax his eye muscles for a moment or two with a black utensil that looks like a spoon, and then had him look at the dot again. “Now I see two,” he revealed. She explained that it would be foolhardy to rush into filling yet another prescription for glasses or prisms, because his vision is not stable enough. She said that the prism he already has is directly opposite to what he needs at the moment (upside down, in fact), but that too could change.

We left with a pair of very strong magnifiers for working with small utensils (like tools), a pair of sunglasses to cut the light out completely when outdoors since light seems to bother him a great deal, and a phone number for an ophthalmologist who happens to be covered by Medicare. Dr. Wise runs a private practice, and we may be back and forth a fair bit over the next while, depending on what transpires, so it could become quite costly. She highly recommended the name she gave me, and I feel confident she knows her business.

It was heartwarming to be greeted by our friend Judy who works down the hall. It’s always reassuring to see a familiar, friendly face amidst the sea of professionals that we encounter these days.

Needless to say, my day was spent catching up on what work I had assigned myself for the afternoon (I just finished, actually, and it’s 11:06). There’s too much to do in so little time. If you are one of those who called this afternoon, or evening, please excuse my brevity. I’m treading water these days trying to keep from drowning in my laundry, dishes, college preparations and most of all intense emotions.

After about 3 ½ hours sleep on the couch while I furiously shuffled papers around trying to make sense out of the complex puzzle I have to solve for fieldwork coordination, I asked, “So, did you try the new magnifiers?” “They’re no good,” he announced. I heaved a sigh and reminded him that we can return them if he finds them useless, but he ought to give them a chance. They may take getting used to. That’s what I said (as calmly as I could muster at the moment). I felt something quite different; I wanted to scream, cry, stomp and break down. But I held back until now. Sorry to have to lean on all of you this way, but you, my collective audience, are elected to be my sounding board. It’s a better place to vent, because Gilly doesn’t get burned. He has more than enough to deal with. He rarely asks to read the blog these days, and frankly, I have no time to regurgitate. Once is enough. Thanks for lending an ear.

Tomorrow I will dash off to work until noon, when I meet Gilly back at the hospital for 2 appointments back to back. I hope all goes smoothly on all fronts.

Late to bed, not easy to rise

My husband rolled into bed at 7:00 A.M. When I announced the time, he was shocked, then admitted it must be very comfortable to sleep downstairs. My alarm went off a half hour later, and I was back to work in a jiffy.

It is actually very quiet in the early morn, and so easier to get work done. I made some headway and went into the college at around noon. I had to wake Gilly up to give him instructions, because he’s not much of a reader, especially these days. Yaron was home with him all day, so I felt a load of responsibility lift from my shoulders for those few hours.

Tamara called and offered to come over and make dinner. I looked at the time and realized I’d best get home. I called Gilly and asked him to have a snack with Yaron and take his 4:30 pill. When I arrived home, I was relived to find that my instructions had been followed to a T. Tamara came over and took the dog for a walk with Yaron. They picked up some fresh fruit on their travels. I finished preparing an easy Bar-B-Q-able supper and sat down to work a bit more.

I received a call from Brad at the CSSS and he confirmed that this week he will make the request for someone to come in around mid-day each weekday to serve Gilly lunch and ensure he takes his medication. This is like life insurance; I’m not sure when I’ll need it but it’s good to know it’s there. It’s tiring and stressful to take each day as it comes when I have to work; I need a plan, and Brad says he will get this going pronto.

Next to coordinate is the transport, and the MAB is the key (adapted transport). I hope not to have to use it often, but it’s money in the bank when I know it’s an option. We will see them tomorrow at 10:15 for Gilly’s assessment, and then that ball can begin to roll too. Red tape can be circumvented only if you persist, and I have been nothing short of persistent. I anxiously await their advice as to how to help Gilly compensate for what his brain inaccurately perceives visually.

I made an executive decision this morning and cancelled 2 of Gilly’s 3 appointments for tomorrow; it is simply too much to expect of him. He certainly needs to have his dental work completed, and the physio is crucial, but I find it too taxing on Gilly to have to zip from one place to another in one day. The physio is exhausting, especially when just coming off of chemo. He’s still at a very low energy level, all things considered.

Loving you means never having to say you're sorry

I am always amazed at the number of people who take the time to read my blog postings. We are truly honored that there are so many who care. We can sense your warmth and dedication. Toda raba.

Weather wise, a cold and rainy front moved in during the night. We were obviously not the only ones who decided to leave; we had traffic up to the gazoo, and it wore Gilly out. Our travel time more than doubled in length; Gilly was exhausted and I was frazzled; I hate driving in inclement weather.

We arrived home safely. Gilly is fast asleep on the couch and Liylah has nestled in beside him. He had his last dose of chemo last night, so he’s understandably tired. I managed to complete some work today, but I will have to buckle down tomorrow and work feverishly to compensate for the time I’ll spend attending medical appointments on Tuesday (MAB) and on Wednesday (psychologist and CNR clinic – monthly visit). Some appointments are crucial and cannot be missed. I have given up attending physio at this point because it is no longer as necessary (well, not top on the priority list if I have to give something up at this point – I think I need a clone or two).

Thankfully, my sweet friend Sheryl still drives a van. It was impossible to carry home Yaron’s camp gear, Tamara and Max and their stuff, our paraphernalia, ourselves and Liylah in my Jeep. We were spoiled for years with Gilly’s pick up truck. Everything and anything would fit back there. We have to learn to downsize. Sheryl did ‘pick and deliver’ and saved the day!

Gilly couldn’t eat dinner this evening. It’s hard for me to distinguish if it’s a matter of ‘lunch bag let down’ having to eat alone with me, or a case of motion sickness. I’m beginning to suspect the latter, since there seems to be a pattern. I dashed out to get some fresh groceries as soon as we arrived home, and then prepared a delicious dinner, but there were no takers other than me (and of course Liylah; she’s always keen to eat the scraps).

One thing boggles my mind; how come I do not lose my appetite when Gilly turns up his nose at the dinners I prepare night after night? I just send him off to get comfortable, and proceed to eat my and some of his portion. I’m well aware of the ridiculousness of what it is I’m doing, but I cannot seem to control the impulse.

This evening he apologized to me for not eating, and expressed how badly he feels about what it’s doing to me. I tried to tell him that I am not upset with him. I admitted that it is hard for me to watch him weakening due to lack of appetite, but I assured him that I am well aware it is not his fault. He wants to please me, especially when he notices my cheerful demeanor break down. We have always been open with one another, but allowing him to see how much his pain is killing me is counterproductive. I’m only human, though; I slip now and again and my emotions are displayed unconsciously, through body language. It’s easier when there are others around, because we are both somewhat distracted and not as focused on the problem which keeps perpetuating itself, but this is not always the case, nor can it be.

It reminds me of doing homework with Yaron when he was little. He had a lot of trouble concentrating, and I had to constantly bring him back to task. It was exhausting to monitor his progress through the smallest of tasks. One day, he must have been in grade 2, he followed my gaze and innocently asked, “Are you angry?” I felt awful that this was his impression. “No, I’m not angry, Yaron. Sometimes I feel tired and I become frustrated, but I know it’s not your fault.” I felt the same way this evening.

Once, I did get angry with Yaron, and a little girl taught me a lesson that day. There was a table full of children eating spaghetti for lunch at our house. Yaron, about 3 years old at the time, was being silly, giggling and thoroughly enjoying the party-like atmosphere. Suddenly, he dropped his bowl on the floor; it broke and you can well imagine where the spaghetti landed up. I scolded him as I bent down to clean the floor. I looked up and caught his eye. He seemed devastated. I apologized, explaining that there are many children to serve and lots of noise, and the mess got me all upset. I assured him that accidents happen, and it is just spaghetti. Thankfully, no one was hurt. Tamara’s friend (7 years old) stared at me with wide eyes and gasped. I was sure that social services would be at my door any minute. I looked at her and asked, “Does your mommy get a little angry sometimes?” “Oh yes,” she gulped, “but she never says she’s sorry.”

Well, I think I’ll go down and see how Gilly is doing. No need to say sorry, though. He knows in his heart how deeply I care, and why I want him to eat.

Reaching out

It was a hot and sunny day today. Gilly managed to catch the second half, since he slept until noon. He spent some time out on the dock visiting with friends and family, falling asleep now and again. Tonight is the last chemo dose until next time (23 days from now).

His appetite held out pretty well today, relatively speaking, although he had to leave the house to avoid the smell of dinner cooking. He managed to eat a little bit of everything my mother cooked regardless, which is a good sign.

One new behavior he has resumed (from way back in the pre-diagnosis era) is to reach out and take a fruit without it being offered. It’s wonderful to see. I hope he keeps this up and that it transfers to other foods as well.

I am no longer running a fever (2 days now) and my glands are practically back to normal. The virus seems to have traveled to my sinuses. I have a crashing headache which has unfortunately prevented me from being as productive as I had hoped; I have no choice but to listen to my body. I hope to sleep it all off tonight so as to start the week on strong footing. I am fortunate to have my mother and Tamara here doing all the cooking, which allows me to take it easy and recuperate.

Snooze & cruise

I spent my day attending to college matters while Gilly snoozed and cruised. We took a walk down the road around mid-day, and Gilly went on a peaceful boat ride with Tamara and Max in late afternoon. Other than that, he pretty much slept off his meds on the couch.

Tamara, Max, my mom and Gilly dined at Quimperlaise in Ste. Agathe with Auntie Ruth and the Irvington Tunis clan. I ordered one crêpe (the house specialty) for the two of us and was astounded when Gilly cleaned off his plate. He ate some sausage from my mom’s crêpe too. Now I know what to serve him for meals. All I need is the grill and the skill (I’m in a rhyming mood this evening).

We left Liylah at home alone for the first time in Birch Point. We had many couches to cover with chairs so she would not climb on them as she has a sneaky habit of doing when no one is looking.

I plan to take advantage of the co-caregiving situation here and get some more work done tomorrow. There’s nothing like a daughter, let me tell you. To be fair, Yaron is home from camp and assures me that he’ll mow the lawn (which is a pretty sorry sight). Each child has a special role and place in our hearts; I am relieved and thankful to have their loving assistance. We have a whole slew of important appointments next week, so I’m trying to stay on track and perhaps even ahead of the game (anything’s possible, I suppose).

The old switcheroo

Gilly woke me up at 9:00 this morning, which is a real switcheroo. I was in Yaron’s room without a clock. It seems that I slept the morning away supposedly because I needed it. I feel better, but not perfect. We’ve decided to head up north regardless, since it will be easier for us all around, and I’m clearly on the mend. The trip in and of itself is exhausting for Gilly, and for me as well in my current state. Driving is uncomfortable with swollen glands because it hurts when I turn my head. I feel I should still wear a mask, which makes it harder for me to breath (or perhaps that’s just my imagination). But the end result is so motivating that we’ve jointly decided to go for it.

I spent a few hours at the college today and signed my last contract. Upon signing, I was granted tenure. Hurrah! Cause for celebration.

Gilly’s physio was short today. The chemo takes a chunk out of his energy (especially when he’s the one up at 9:00!). He called me on my cell just as I was packing my bags to leave. “Anytime you’re ready,” he said in a weary voice. I was preparing to be there 15 minutes early, so the call took me aback. I asked if there’s a problem. “No, I’m just too tired,” he replied. I found him 10 minutes later waiting on a bench in the warm sunshine. The Palmer shuttle is working well so far. Thanks Jerry.

I was particularly thrilled to receive two calls from Gilly today. This shows that he really can dial independently, which is crucial. He has been leaning on me in this regard to the point that I really didn’t think he was capable of dialing anymore. Of course my number is programmed into his cell, but he scrolled down to find my name (I wonder if his girlfriend’s number is #1) and managed to get through.

The first call was to let me know that the MAB called to inform us that his appointment with the optometrist is set for this Tuesday at 10:30. We have been anxiously awaiting this opportunity. Hopefully, this will start the ball rolling in the direction of addressing his vision issues.

We’re home now and I’m closing my computer for the trip up north.

We'll get by with a little help from our friends

No nausea today, which is a good thing. The chemo course is grueling in that it causes fatigue and affects appetite, but luckily it doesn’t create nausea, because this would lead to even further weakness. I tried an ‘Ensure’-like product the other day but Gilly found it revolting. I have decided to stick to what I know he likes over the next few days while on temodal: applesauce enriched with protein and calorie-rich smoothies laced with more protein than you would imagine. Anything else is a bonus at this point. He has to drink plenty of fluid too.

I am trying to stay cool and nonjudgmental when he turns up his nose at food. He just cannot consume what is expected / recommended, so I have to simply do the best I can. We will see the psychologist in the oncology department next Wednesday and the CNR team that same afternoon. They will guide me as to what else, if anything, I can do. I’ve read the material, tried the tricks and still feel like a failure. Imagine a Jewish mother / wife who derives pleasure from cooking nutritious meals for her loved ones not being able to reach her man’s heart through his stomach. It hurts!

Gilly had no appointments today, so we stayed at home together on separate stories, so as not to pass my germs onto him. I worked from home since I’m still under the weather. I continue to run a fever, but lower grade than yesterday. My ear is hurting me this evening, so perhaps I have an ear infection; the source of the problem, or a secondary infection??? Who knows? I haven’t heard back from the doctor regarding the strep test results, so it could be that I have any number of things. He said it will take 24 to 48 hours. I wear a mask when we’re in the same room and sleep in separate quarters.

I hope to return to work tomorrow, and then relocate up north for the weekend. It all depends on how I feel. I’m in no mood to push myself in any particular direction, so I will go with the flow of my body. It is screaming at me at this very moment.

Jerry will drop Gilly at physio tomorrow afternoon (we’ve switched Thursdays to later in the day, in case I have to do both drop off and pick up while working. It’s more feasible for me at that time). I plan to pick Gilly up on my way home from work, if all goes according to plan. If I am unwell, Jerry is waiting in the wings to assist with the journey home.

Everything is tentative these days. I have to remain calm and things will work out. The support we have is truly amazing. I’m holding a whole hand of trump cards, and will reserve them to use at my discretion. I have faith that we’ll get through these months of chemo treatment somehow. Yaron returns from camp on Thursday, and this will be a big help and is sure to make the atmosphere more jovial.

Who is that masked woman?

As soon as we arrived home from the country last night, Gilly lost his appetite. I actually became upset at first, and accused him of preferring to eat with anyone else but me. This was unfounded, but I realized later that night that I was sick, and so a bit vulnerable I suppose. It’s not an excuse; only a fact.

All night I tossed and turned, trying to put work out of my mind. Swallowing became more and more difficult, and I developed the chills. I couldn’t find the thermometer, but I was sure that something was wrong.

I dropped Gilly off at physio at 8:45, and so began the Palmer shuttle (akin to the Wall street shuffle). My mom picked him up at 9: 45 and dropped him at home.

It was a good thing, because I called the doctor’s office from work and the secretary asked me to come right in; I had the chance to do so because Gilly was being taken care of. I had a strep test, filled a prescription for antibiotics and went back to work. In the meantime, Gilly had his protein scoops in applesauce which i prepared before I left in the morning, then a couple of hours later he warmed some soup for lunch. He managed very well, with a wee bit of long distance prodding on my part.

I have been worrying terribly about a couple of spots on my leg, expecting the worst. I showed them to Dr. Amdursky today and said, "benign" on both counts. I was relived beyond measure. I had been putting off a doctor's visit for a while, scared that I would be diagnosed with some awful disease. What a waste of my energy, and how terribly foolish. I know I'll sleep better tonight (in Yaron's bed, unfortunately, so I don't put Gilly at further risk. I feel a bit selfish wanting my own bed, but I guess it's where I find most comfort when I'm sick. Not a big deal; a tiny sacrifice in comparison to Gilly's ongoing discomfort).

Next stop: dentist. Lisa was kind enough to pick Gilly up and take him to Marvin’s (still needs dental work) for 2:00. I passed by to take him home on my way back from work, mask and all.

Dr. Amdursky told me to stay away from Gilly. I asked how, since we're currently living alone together and I am his primary caregiver. He advised me to wear a mask.

I bought a new thermometer and was not surprised to find that I am running a fever. I feel achy all over. I decided to take it easy tomorrow and stay home from work. I have all my papers, and my good friend Judy will return (she was over this afternoon) to work with me on a long, painstaking task. Together is often so much better, isn’t it?

Gilly came upstairs a few minutes ago to tell me he just doesn’t feel right. I took his temperature and discovered that he ought to be taking care of me! Just kidding, of course. We are probably both feeling the stress of change; I returned to work and he will begin chemo this evening once again. It is so rare that I get sick, and running a fever is highly unusual for me. rest assured, I'll take care of him tonight; his 'not feeling well' is always more serious.

Our whole state of affairs is really just a test to see how much we can bear. Gilly is being forced to accept his limitations and bear tremendous discomfort, and I have to observe what effect this all has on him at every level, and I must learn to deal with our new way of life. I hope to regain my strength soon, but last night and today was tough. Luckily, as I’ve mentioned many times, we are blessed with love and support at every turn.

Back to reality

We are going to miss Tamara and Max’s company this week. Gilly has improved by leaps and bounds, in my estimation, due in large part to their involvement in Gilly’s daily activities. Today they had him out walking and then went out for a boat ride directly afterwards. It started to rain and so they had to return, despite the fact that Gilly was keen to keep on going. They were wise enough not to listen, but Max commented on how great it was that Gilly had the desire to forge ahead.

Tamara offered him a sandwich and he accepted. I haven’t seen him eat a ‘normal’ lunch in a dog’s age. He didn’t squawk when she handed him a full plate of food. I quietly mentioned the smoothie that he hadn’t touched since he went on the boat instead coming in to flop in his chair after the walk. Tamara asked him about it and he said, “I guess so,” and took a sip.

All in all, Gilly has taken a giant step forward over the last couple of days. Ironically, the medicine he is about to take (chemo) will likely push him backwards to some degree. I’m relieved that he’s ahead of the game to start with, though, furnished with new strength and vigor for the second round of his fight.

I may as well have been at my desk all night. I lay in bed worrying about all the tasks that need to get done by the time the students arrive on the 28th. I finally fell asleep in the wee hours of the morning. I was productive this morning, despite the distractions, so I hope to sleep more soundly tonight.

John and Co. arrived yesterday afternoon. Whistler and Liylah have been chasing balls and waves together. Throngs of young children happen to be staying up north this week (like the old days in Birch Point, only we were here all summer long). The two dogs are being loved to bits by little people. Liylah will remain up here with Tamara for the week to allow her as much freedom to run and play as possible before heading back to reality. Again, I have to pack up my computer, so I bid you adieu. More details tomorrow.

A 3 point landing

Today was an even better day than yesterday. I’d say by dinner Gilly was eating practically a normal sized portion of all food groups. Wow!!! Freddie came by for a visit. When I returned home from Ste. Agathe I discovered that the two of them had gone off for a boat ride. Another wow!! Later in the afternoon he went for a second boat ride with Tamara and Max. He brought the boat in himself for a 3 point landing. Things are looking up.

Tomorrow we return home for a week of chemo. I will return to work as well, so we’re in for a tough transition. We’re as prepared as we could be for the week ahead, I suppose. I have some leeway because I’m not yet bound to the classroom, so I guess it’s a dress rehearsal.

The big chill

We had another relatively uneventful day, except for chipmunk chasing on the part of our killer dog. She earned that name again today and made Gilly a proud father. Gilly walked down the road and did his exercises, but required a lot of prodding to do so. Tamara does not take no for an answer, so he had little choice. He ate, but very sparingly.

It was a downright chilly day, but it didn’t stop me from having a swim with Tamara. Gilly wore my toasty ski jacket. Lord knows how he’ll stay warm in winter if he’s already dressed for snow at about 15º.

I am about to turn in with my book. I’ll take advantage of the last 2 days of rest; I’m officially back to work this Monday, although I don’t start to teach until the 29th. Tamara invited her dad out for a walk and he accepted. I’m floored, frankly, because it’s dark and the thermometer reads 11.6º at the moment. He is drawn to his children like none other.

A welcome change

Today was spent rather quietly. Gilly received a couple of guests, but refused a couple of other offers. His vision bothers him terribly, and this seems to affect his desire to socialize.

Hunger was about the same as yesterday; he had 3 relatively solid meals with some supplements. He took a short walk this morning and went on a boat ride with Tamara and Max in the afternoon. He was very tired, and slept for a few hours before dinner.

I have passed some of my ‘hovering’ onto Tamara, and it makes for a nice break. I have her check on her dad's status periodically, and she's elected to invite him to eat. This allows me to move out of ‘mother’ mode and back into plain ordinary ‘wife’ mode for a time, and I find the change refreshing. Gilly responds positively, and I sincerely hope Tamara doesn’t mind acting as stand-in for a while. I trust she understands and is pleased to help in any way she can.

Family ties

We had a truly wonderful day today, from start to finish. We zipped up north right after physio; by 11:00 we were in Birch Point with both of our children, Max and Grandma Shirley. We settled in to watch some more home movies (as I burned them on DVD) and shared plenty of laughter in the process.

It was rather chilly (about 18º) when Yaron asked Gilly if he’d like to go for a boat ride. I was sure he’d refuse, but instead he happily accepted the offer. Off went Yaron, Gilly, Tamara, Max and Liylah. I expected Gilly would need a parka; he’s always so cold and we’ve not had cool daytime temperatures like today yet this summer. Surprisingly, his the thick sweat shirt he’s been wearing day in and day out, even on the hottest of days, served him fine. I took advantage of some free time and went for a brisk walk to the end of the road (and back, of course).

Over dinner, Gilly turned to his son sitting next to him and said, “It’s a pleasure having you with us.” It is not at all shocking that he feels this way about Yaron, but I’m still not used to hearing him say things like that. None of us are. I know for certain that he has always felt this way about his children, but it gives us all tremendous pleasure to hear him voice the sentiment.

Another bonus for today was the supper Gilly consumed. He was sleeping in the lazy boy when called for dinner (repeatedly). When he finally arrived, he slowly and methodically ate a good sized dinner, relatively speaking. He has not eaten this well in months. I wanted to shout out with excitement but instead held my tongue so as not to jinx anything. “He’ll have to start weight watchers if he keeps this up,” my mom said in jest. I assume having the kids around helped stimulate Gilly’s desire to eat. We’ll have Tamara and Max around all weekend, so hopefully his new eating behaviour will become a habit.

Gone fishing

The photos above depict life in the country. I chose a shot of Gilly fishing with Steven last Sunday. This summer it wasn’t possible for Gilly to go on what used to be the annual fishing trip (a summer tradition of yesteryear), so Steven brought the fishing to Gilly (with a little help from Evan; he supplied the worms and rods). The other pictures tell the story of dock repair consultation. In the past, Gilly was always the master mind and big time doer when it came to repairing or rebuilding the wharf. One year he organized the whole community of Birch Point males to collectively carry the incredibly heavy beam down to the water’s edge when it had to be replaced. A few months later he worked out a system to complete the same task independently. This summer he has been forced to adopt the position of the well respected foreman.

I took a drive to Birch Point at noon as planned (to drop off Liylah and take Yaron back to camp) and left Gilly to his own devices. He warmed up his own soup for lunch and spent some time outdoors. He didn’t answer the phone when I called to check in because he was outside and didn’t hear it. I was sick with worry, but in the end, it seems that he managed on his own. It was a successful experiment. I had a swim, saw Tamara and Max and enjoyed a nice visit in the car with Yaron. Gilly was safe and sound and he took some initiative to care for himself.

Gilly asked me to call Dr. Wise again because his eyes are so bad. I reminded him that it is still not even 3 months since the radiation ended, and that he must be patient for another few weeks (they estimated 3 to 4 months before the swelling resolves itself completely). I feel awful steering him away from seeing Dr. Wise too soon, but it seems a tad premature. He is suffering terribly, but we were advised to wait it out.

He refused 2 offers today (a walk and a visit) because of his vision. It wears him out. I’m sure that people understand, but it hurts to see him prefer his dark basement to a bright and friendly face.

Uncle Butch and Cathy are expected any moment, and we will be going out for dinner in a couple of hours. I won’t force Gilly to join us, but I will certainly provide a dose of gentle encouragement. Sometimes people do not know what they need until it is presented to them. When I ask Gilly if he’d like a glass of water, he often agrees. I bet he does not even know he’s thirsty sometimes. I think he needs to be with people, albeit for short stints, so an hour or so in a restaurant may be doable. I made sure to choose a small, quiet place so that he is not overwhelmed. We’ll see…

The next item on this week’s agenda is to go to physio tomorrow (from 8:45 to 9:45 A.M.) and then drive up north directly from there. We have no dog awaiting us at home, so we may as well pack the car in the morning and scoot right up to spend time with Tamara, Max and (I know it’s confusing) Yaron. Yaron was in last night to send off a friend who is on his way to join the Israeli army. His final day off of the summer (camp-related) actually begins tonight and runs until tomorrow night. So for a few hours we’ll be together as a family in the same house, which is way too rare these days.

We’ve actually just arrived back from dinner. Gilly had a bit to eat, and made the effort to be there even though he is quite tired. The restuarant was louder than I imagined it would be. I just brought him home to allow him his peace. The rest of the gang will be over soon for dessert. It was a nice treat for me, and I’d say a very decent compromise.

It's a family affair

We stopped in at Tamara’s new apartment last night on our way home. Not only is it gorgeous (truly), but close to us; 2 minutes by car. Liylah is not welcome, unfortunately, because Karma rules the roost, and Liylah would find her to be a tasty treat.

Physio went well this morning. Thi measured Gilly’s right hand strength, and it has improved significantly. He was pooped afterwards, but this is understandable. I just gave him some lunch and he is nibbling (phew). I have another Gilly favourite cooking on the stove (Spicy Ricy) so I’m hoping he indulges in supper as well. Last night was a wash out.

Brad was here this afternoon for his monthly visit (the CSSS social worker). I brought up my concerns with him regarding going back to work and having adequate coverage for Gilly in terms of reminders for meals, medication and doing the prescribed exercise regime. To date, I have managed to leave him alone for a few hours at a time in order to buy groceries and what not (since late May), so I know he can handle being alone for chinks of time quite easily. It’s the full day absences I’m worried about. I also need help with transport to appointments. The social worker at the MAB is handling this from her end, but I inquired as to what else is available.

Brad said that he will apply for a home care service, which means that someone will visit periodically during the week to monitor Gilly’s needs (nutritional, medication and exercise routine). This will allow me to focus on my work without needing to call home as often to remind Gilly to do whatever it is he needs to do. It takes time for the request to be processed, so we will make do for the first little while.

In the meantime, Brad suggested I write out a reasonable schedule of what Gilly needs to do, and proposed that we begin to use it now. He encouraged me to go out and leave him to manage his own matters for short periods of time to get him used to following the schedule independently. Easier said than done; Gilly was never good at following schedules (at least not that I noticed in our 24 years together). But it is a wise suggestion, so I will try it and see how it goes.

Brad told me that the person to arrange transport to and from the hospital would be Naomi, the social worker at the Jewish. I will put in a call for her in a few moments.

Yaron is on his way into town. Thankfully he was able to get a lift. He had originally asked if I’d come and get him today, but I was pleased to discover that he managed to get himself a lift with a friend instead. Tamara called wondering why I hadn’t dropped Liylah off with her and Max (as I had promised to do). What a bonus for Liylah to spend extra time in the country! Plan B moves into action tomorrow; I’ll head back up with Yaron tomorrow in late morning, drop him off at camp and leave Liylah to guard the shorelines of Birch Point. Then I’ll high tail it back to town to spend time with Cathy and Uncle Butch for the afternoon. We will all (us local remaining Blauers and our Ottawa counterparts) celebrate Auntie Ruthie’s birthday at a Greek restaurant. I hope Gilly will feel up to it. I know it sounds as if we’re always celebrating, but the truth is that we take every opportunity to break bread together and celebrate life. I need this every bit as much as does Gilly; we all do.

Newsflash: Yaron arrived home, and I served the two men their dinners together. Gilly had an entire bowl of soup filled with rich vitamins and other nutrients (brown rice, chicken, onions, carrots and sweet potato). I’m thrilled. Every little bit counts. He found it pleasant and different to eat with his son, I guess, and so his appetite surfaced. It’s great to have Yaron at home, even if for just a short while.

I’m off to take a walk with Randee. Gotta clear the cobwebs somehow, and I can’t think of a better way to do it.

Night owl

Interesting sleep patterns have developed over the last couple of days. It seems wakefulness is winning over sleepiness. I'm not certain if this is a good or bad turn, but it is indeed a change of habit. He took a nap last evening, but then had trouble getting to sleep for the night. Once asleep, he was able to rest peacefully. I would attribute this new twist to the hormone he takes every evening around 10:00. Tomorrow, I will look into the possibility of taking it in the morning instead, since he needs his energy boost when the rest of the world is awake, I figure. It's a balancing act; he's juggling medication, vitamins, hormones and the effects of radiation, chemo and the tumour itself.

We spent a magnificent day with friends; Sheryl, and then Marvin and Sharon. It was pleasant in every way; the breeze was exquisite and the scenery stunning as usual. I managed to get my final lake swim of the long weekend in with Sharon, although she needed a little coaxing to buy into what she later greatly appreciated.

Eating, doing physio exercises and taking medicationion are still 3 issues I have to nag after Gilly about. I continue to feel like the meanie, the overbearing parent, the pusher...you get the idea. I have been advised by many professionalsals that this is what I have to do, so I plug away at it in Gilly's best interest.

I asked the rhetorical question to Gilly a couple of hours ago: "When do you want to head back to town?" "Never," he answered, feeding into my own desires. Oh well, physio is essential, so the sacrifice must be made.

Tamara and Max are coming up tomorrow to spend a few weeks here, so we have even more to look forward to when we arrive back on Thursday. Tamara helps me keep Gilly in line, so I am thankful to have her waiting in the wings to pull out whatever heavy artillery is necessary to get Gilly to cooperate.

Yaron may be coming into town tomorrow for an overnight visit, so we have incentive driving us in the southerly direction.

I wonder if I'd appreciate this gorgeous place as much if I lived here all year round. Maybe we'll try it out for size one day???

Some thick, ominous clouds are moving in, so I best get my computer packed up and into the car before the rain.

Strange bedfellows

Gilly awoke to a new bedmate; his cousin Steven, who arrived bearing edible gifts from The Petit Poucet. He snuck upstairs to surprise Gilly, and was met with a smile. They chatted for awhile before Gilly was ready and able to get out of bed. Steven spent a few hours outdoors with us, fishing and consulting on dock repairs. His presence acted like fuel for Gilly’s spirits; he has always had that effect on Gilly, but these days it means that much more.

Keren’s extended family spent the afternoon and evening here. The company was pleasant for us all. The opportunity to speak Hebrew stimulates Gilly’s desire to talk. He’s otherwise rather silent in recent times. The day long diversions helped him pass the time in a most enjoyable manner, all things considered.

His appetite held out (not great, but better than a few days back) and his energy level remained the same as well. Right now, he’s fast asleep, catching up after a few late nights with no afternoon snoozes.

Marshmallow anyone?

Gilly was due for a ‘good’ day, today was it. He was awake before me; highly unusual of late. He had the coffee brewing and wore a Cheshire grin when I found him seated at the kitchen table. What a heart warming sight that was for me! His high spirits lasted all day long. He was more energetic too; he did not nap and remained seated rather than in a prone position.

Evan and Keren arrived late last night, and Gilly perked up immediately. Today, Freddie and Cheryl stopped in for a visit, and Gilly’s mood climbed even higher. Without question, new faces, especially those he holds dear, inject him with strength.

His appetite was better too. It was challenging to prepare his lunch; he finds certain smells distasteful. However, if he does not smell something actually being prepared, he is more likely to agree to eat it, no matter what it is. My mom put up a savoury veal roast around noon, and I knew the smell of onions would not sit right (he especially reacts to the smell of onions). He was outside, so I figured why not prepare a cream of potato soup (one of his all time favourites) at the same time, so the all the ‘onion’ cooking would take place in his absence. He walked in just as I was softening the onions. I nonchalantly led him back outdoors, so he wouldn’t associate the onion smell with the soup he was to be served for lunch. It worked like a charm. After he lapped up the soup I asked if he’d like something else. “Like what?” he asked. I quivered with excitement, because he had already eaten more than I ever dreamed he would. The appetite increase held up during dinner too.

I am crossing my fingers in hopes that this new upsurge of energy, good spirits and appetite hold out for days to come. Last night, Gilly refused Evan’s offer to make a bonfire. This evening he answered, “Why not?”

Sweet sweet potato

The sun is setting as I post today’s entry. The billowy clouds have taken on various shades of pink and grey against a pale blue sky. The mountains in the foreground are light and progressively darker tones of green and those in the background appear deep blue in colour. I find it ironic in a way that the scene never changes, yet it’s never the same. The movement of the water mesmerizes me.

It was marvelous day weather wise. We took advantage of every moment; I frolicked in the lake with Shelley et al. and Gilly rested on the porch, amused by Liylah’s antics.

Hunger continues to escape Gilly, but he managed breakfast without blinking. Lunch was more challenging, and I have my serious doubts about dinner. I have one of his favourites in the oven, awaiting his appraisal (sweet potato casserole, heavy on the maple syrup side), so I hope he agrees to have a taste. He’s asked me to wait, so I’m using my time constructively by preparing the posting.

Overall, it wasn’t a terrible day for Gilly, but his energy level continues to be seriously compromised, assumedly in part due to his lack of appetite. I’m not getting used to the situation; everyday breeds new worries; I’m forced to make judgment calls as to what constitutes a marked change, enough to provoke me to spring into action of some kind. I fear at times that I’ve lost my sense of perspective because of the intensity of the situation and the part that I play in it. Luckily for me (and Gilly, of course), we have loving friends and family who keep close tabs on us, and so I trust that that someone would tell me honestly if I am over or under reacting to a symptom or trend.

A winning combination

Physiotherapy went well as usual, although Gilly was visibly fatigued. Thi seemed genuinely concerned. I put in a call for Nelda to ask for further dietary advice, but we played telephone tag all day. I hope to connect with her tomorrow. Luckily, there were no stomach complaints today. I filled the prescription for a hormone that he will take for a few weeks to see if it helps to stimulate appetite.

Our trip up north went ahead as scheduled since the power was restored to our region. We escaped the steamy city and are living in the lap of luxury. We were surprised to see our Torontonian friends Shelley, Morris and their sweet Jacqueline when we pulled into Birch Point. Shelley and I have been friends and neighbours since she was 3 and I was 4; Birch Point is greatly enhanced (which is quite a feat, since it’s paradise to begin with) when she makes an appearance with her gang.

I went for a short swim with John and his friend Steve, then a longer one on my own to wash the city from my body. Later on I indulged in a ‘ladies swim’ with Sheryl (who initiated the whole affair), Shelley and Jacqueline. It was more than delightful; my special cousin, good friends, old and dear, dear friends and Grand Lac Long. What a winning combination.

Gilly retired to the couch for a snooze, but it was for a relatively short period, so I was not as alarmed as yesterday. We dined with Shelley et al. Gilly consumed a larger portion than usual (more than likely due to the company / atmosphere). A special start to what I hope to be a grand weekend.

Tomorrow

The day of our anniversary was bittersweet. Gilly was feeling weak, but managed to rise to the occasion with as much energy as he could muster. He scarcely ate throughout the day, but unfortunately this has become our new reality. He made a concerted effort to mark the occasion; he enlisted his daughter to make the arrangements (flowers, chocolate and a card). Her extra efforts to lovingly and thoughtfully choose the gifts and bring them over herself (even though she lives downtown, works across town and does not drive), were well appreciated by both of us. We must have done something right to be blessed with such a precious angel.

My mom brought over dinner, and Tamara laid it all out on the table in her usual creative manner, despite the intense heat and humidity. Gilly preferred to eat at home. With all fans and air conditioning running, it was still extremely hot. He excused himself before dessert was served. When Tamara approached to bid him goodnight, he revealed that his stomach was sore. He managed to sleep peacefully through the night, regardless, which is more than I can say for myself. I was thankful to have many of my family members there to add levity to the situation.

Today, he surprised me by getting dressed before 9:00. The trend seems to be shifting gradually; he’s rising earlier each day. Breakfast was his only substantial meal of the day. I continue to lace the smoothies with plenty of protein and all sorts of nutritious ingredients, so hopefully he will continue gaining weight. It’s a very arduous process for both of us, and emotionally draining. His stomach continues to bother him. I will report this to Thi tomorrow and see if Gilly needs to be examined (and if so, by who), or if perhaps Nelda can suggest possible changes to his diet (consisting mainly of smoothie mixtures).

He seems to be sliding downhill this week; today he spent the afternoon lying on the couch downstairs rather than in an upright position on his lazy boy. I wonder if the humidity is responsible. I know that those fighting illnesses are at risk during heat waves. He was outside this morning for about ½ hour pulling out weeds, and perhaps this was ½ hour too much time spent outdoors in this kind of weather. He was motivated to move outside and attend to this task, so I encouraged him. Since he lacks motivation in general, I felt it was a good sign, but as soon as he came indoors, he took to the couch, and there he remained.

Dr. MacDonald called this afternoon when I was out and told Gilly to ask Thi tomorrow for the prescription he made out based on yesterday’s blood results. I have no other details, since I didn’t take the call myself, but I’m assuming it is a hormone to address his diminished (virtually nonexistent) appetite. I’ll know more tomorrow.

We planned to go up north tomorrow, but we just received word this evening from John that there is no power. We may delay the trip, depending on the situation. Tomorrow seems to hold many answers.