Making amends
We’ve had our ups and downs today; somehow we managed to overcome a few of the barriers. I had a successful morning at work in that I achieved what I set out to with very few snags. I arrived at the Jewish with few moments to spare, and met Gilly at the appointed location (Thanks mom). When we appeared at the reception desk the secretary was surprised to see us 2 hours early. There was an error made; the psychologist was under the impression we were scheduled for 2:00, but we had an appointment with the CNR team at that time. I made it 2 hours later so as to allow Gilly an hour with the psychologist and an hour to have some lunch downstairs.
I was rather furious, because I left piles of work that had to be done (I just finished what I needed to prepare for tomorrow morning, and started at 4:00 P.M.) and dashed over for noon only to find that there was a mistake. I noticed Nelda in the background and asked if we could be seen earlier. At first this didn’t seem viable, but we were soon whisked into the examining room and the appointment was miraculously pushed up 2 hours, even though they do not start until 1:00 normally. I openly expressed my gratitude for their flexibility and creative thinking. What an amazing team!
Gilly was weighed and we were all disturbed to discover that he had lost about 2 kilos. I was far from surprised. They took this problem very seriously, and prescribed more appetite enhancers. They will see us again in two week’s time, because he can’t afford to lose any more weight. We were handed nutrition bars, and more suggestions as we left. Gilly took one or two bites of the bar (it was not 1:30 and all he’d eaten was a piece of toast for breakfast) and said it’s too much. I looked at him, smiled and said, “It’s a good thing I love you.” Dr. MacDonald overheard and smiled as well. I still haven’t given up on the bar. It’s 10:42 P.M. and he only has a few more bites to go!
We moved on to Dr. Sylvain Nero, the psychologist. I told him I’d wait outside, but if he requires information, I’d be available. I could hear the word ‘oncologist’ through the door, and I knew then and there that I would be beckoned. Sure enough he opened the door and asked if I could enter and provide certain details. I was asked to remain in the room from then on, and I must say it was a painful experience. I had to hold back tears at the questions asked and what he tried to express in response. I asked if I should leave, but he requested that I stay. I was disappointed to discover that although he assumes there is possibly some underlying depression (who wouldn’t feel depressed in Gilly’s shoes?), he does not feel he can effectively do anything about it except perhaps suggest to Dr. MacDonald that anti-depression medication be prescribed. He opened up the possibility of having Gilly contact him when and if he would like to talk, but there is not much more he could do. I don’t know what I was expecting, but this does not seem to be enough. Do I pursue this further? Gilly has been seen by 2 medical health professionals at this point, and no one has much to offer. I will admit that this fellow seemed on the ball, and very qualified, in the way he handled the whole situation and how he treated Gilly; both of us in fact. I suppose we’ll have to see what Dr. MacDonald suggests we do next. He’s genuinely concerned, and not solely regarding appetite; he sees Gilly as a whole person and wants to improve his quality of life. The CNR program is based on this principle.
We left at 3:30. On the way down from the seventh floor I looked at Gilly’s leftover bar (he hadn’t yet made a dent, and still no lunch was eaten) and encouraged him to have a few more bites. He responded by saying, “You’re a pain in the butt.” Well, you can imagine how well that comment went over with me. I walked swiftly ahead of him as we left the elevator. He wanted to know what was wrong. I explained that I do not deserve that, especially after the sacrifices I made today to be with him for these appointments. I had missed lunch too not to mention hours of time I could have spent doing my work. He knew he had done me wrong, and quickly apologized. I know he perceives me as a pain the butt because I am forever trying to encourage him to eat, exercise…anything other than sitting and nodding off all day long. I guess I can’t afford to be oversensitive, and should just understand where he’s coming from, but it hurts to be called a pain when I am fighting for his life on a daily basis.
I allowed him to make it up to me in two ways; he made me a pot of coffee to help me plow through my work, and he went off with Yaron (who needs a liscenced driver) so I could stay home and work while Yaron helped transport Tamara’s remaining furniture from the old apartment to the new one.
Yaron is now running a fever of 101F and Gilly is passed out on the couch, smoothie next to him still untouched. I wonder if we should all have stayed in bed today. Speaking of bed…good night.
One more thing...the fence people will not install the chain link fence we ordered until we clear some foliage; even a few trees. I have been worrying about this all summer. I mentioned it to a few people, because September is around the corner, and was no closer to a solution. Gilly adamently refuses to allow me to entertain the notion of learning to use a chain saw or any of his high powered gardening tools. To make a long story short, I am so very fortunate that I have now had more offers than I know what to do with. Nitai and his crew will be over on Monday to make a lot of noise. Cathy's husband Guy stopped by today to offer to do the job as well. It seems that all I have to do is ask or make mention of something we need, and we receive a shower of support. I have never been very good at asking for favours, but I've had to swallow my pride and accept offers. I just want to say thank you to so many people these days. I don't know where to start. So here's to the ups before and after the downs!
I was rather furious, because I left piles of work that had to be done (I just finished what I needed to prepare for tomorrow morning, and started at 4:00 P.M.) and dashed over for noon only to find that there was a mistake. I noticed Nelda in the background and asked if we could be seen earlier. At first this didn’t seem viable, but we were soon whisked into the examining room and the appointment was miraculously pushed up 2 hours, even though they do not start until 1:00 normally. I openly expressed my gratitude for their flexibility and creative thinking. What an amazing team!
Gilly was weighed and we were all disturbed to discover that he had lost about 2 kilos. I was far from surprised. They took this problem very seriously, and prescribed more appetite enhancers. They will see us again in two week’s time, because he can’t afford to lose any more weight. We were handed nutrition bars, and more suggestions as we left. Gilly took one or two bites of the bar (it was not 1:30 and all he’d eaten was a piece of toast for breakfast) and said it’s too much. I looked at him, smiled and said, “It’s a good thing I love you.” Dr. MacDonald overheard and smiled as well. I still haven’t given up on the bar. It’s 10:42 P.M. and he only has a few more bites to go!
We moved on to Dr. Sylvain Nero, the psychologist. I told him I’d wait outside, but if he requires information, I’d be available. I could hear the word ‘oncologist’ through the door, and I knew then and there that I would be beckoned. Sure enough he opened the door and asked if I could enter and provide certain details. I was asked to remain in the room from then on, and I must say it was a painful experience. I had to hold back tears at the questions asked and what he tried to express in response. I asked if I should leave, but he requested that I stay. I was disappointed to discover that although he assumes there is possibly some underlying depression (who wouldn’t feel depressed in Gilly’s shoes?), he does not feel he can effectively do anything about it except perhaps suggest to Dr. MacDonald that anti-depression medication be prescribed. He opened up the possibility of having Gilly contact him when and if he would like to talk, but there is not much more he could do. I don’t know what I was expecting, but this does not seem to be enough. Do I pursue this further? Gilly has been seen by 2 medical health professionals at this point, and no one has much to offer. I will admit that this fellow seemed on the ball, and very qualified, in the way he handled the whole situation and how he treated Gilly; both of us in fact. I suppose we’ll have to see what Dr. MacDonald suggests we do next. He’s genuinely concerned, and not solely regarding appetite; he sees Gilly as a whole person and wants to improve his quality of life. The CNR program is based on this principle.
We left at 3:30. On the way down from the seventh floor I looked at Gilly’s leftover bar (he hadn’t yet made a dent, and still no lunch was eaten) and encouraged him to have a few more bites. He responded by saying, “You’re a pain in the butt.” Well, you can imagine how well that comment went over with me. I walked swiftly ahead of him as we left the elevator. He wanted to know what was wrong. I explained that I do not deserve that, especially after the sacrifices I made today to be with him for these appointments. I had missed lunch too not to mention hours of time I could have spent doing my work. He knew he had done me wrong, and quickly apologized. I know he perceives me as a pain the butt because I am forever trying to encourage him to eat, exercise…anything other than sitting and nodding off all day long. I guess I can’t afford to be oversensitive, and should just understand where he’s coming from, but it hurts to be called a pain when I am fighting for his life on a daily basis.
I allowed him to make it up to me in two ways; he made me a pot of coffee to help me plow through my work, and he went off with Yaron (who needs a liscenced driver) so I could stay home and work while Yaron helped transport Tamara’s remaining furniture from the old apartment to the new one.
Yaron is now running a fever of 101F and Gilly is passed out on the couch, smoothie next to him still untouched. I wonder if we should all have stayed in bed today. Speaking of bed…good night.
One more thing...the fence people will not install the chain link fence we ordered until we clear some foliage; even a few trees. I have been worrying about this all summer. I mentioned it to a few people, because September is around the corner, and was no closer to a solution. Gilly adamently refuses to allow me to entertain the notion of learning to use a chain saw or any of his high powered gardening tools. To make a long story short, I am so very fortunate that I have now had more offers than I know what to do with. Nitai and his crew will be over on Monday to make a lot of noise. Cathy's husband Guy stopped by today to offer to do the job as well. It seems that all I have to do is ask or make mention of something we need, and we receive a shower of support. I have never been very good at asking for favours, but I've had to swallow my pride and accept offers. I just want to say thank you to so many people these days. I don't know where to start. So here's to the ups before and after the downs!
posted by Gilly at 10:11 PM
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